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Prepare yourself for Wembley stadium this Sunday with Beesotted’s “I-Spy” guide to the big day.

Inside the pub :

“One day only” Brentford supporters.

Normally spotted desperately trying to hide Chelsea tattoos with long sleeved red t-shirts or stuffing Liverpool key-rings into their trouser pockets, these Brentford fans have been dragged kicking and screaming to Wembley by their mates who are trying to artificially boost the Bees support. Will join in enthusiastically with any song they recognise but tend to mutter somewhat during “Brentford Till I Die” …5points.


Outside the Ground :

Unofficial Merchandise stands.

With money tight these days, many supporters – particularly those with naggy kids – are tempted by the “premium goods” on offer on Wembley Way. Score points for seeing anyone buy the following:

Red and White checked highly flammable  nylon flag ……..2 points

Brentford vs Yeovil half and half scarf…… 2 points

Surplus world cup stock vuvuzela …… 5 points

Inflatable Uwe Rosler….. 5 points

Brentford Lampshade …..20 points

Helpful policemen.

Always keen to help members of the public, these happy and smiling “bobbies in blue” are always delighted to fit in with the joyous atmosphere of the day. When asked directions they act as though they have never been to Wembley ever before in their life before continuing to chat to their colleagues….. 10 points.


Inside the Ground :

Brentford supporters.

Score minus one point for every grown adult in a jesters hat

Score one point for every sombrero spotted

Score a bonus ten points for every naked Mexican escorted from the singing section for public nudity offences

Yeovil supporters.

Score minus one point for every grown adult in a jesters hat

Score two point for every set of webbed toes

Celebrity singing the national anthem

Score twenty points if you actually recognise the celebrity singing

Score minus twenty points if they were formerly in the band Blue

Over-enthusiastic fringe squad member

Score one point every time one of the substitutes warms up

Score a bonus five points if this player has already warmed up three times

Score a bonus ten points if they start doing star jumps in front of the manager


Condorman (@thecondorman)