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As early plans for Lionel Road go on display this week, Beesotted’s Condorman opens the vaults of time and dusts down this article from 2010:

Take a step into the future and look around Brentford’s new space-age stadium at Lionel Road

The Duorail
Far better than the once touted Monorail, why not travel to the match on the Duorail – a futuristic mode of transport which propels carriages along two rails at speeds approaching 20mph and taking just 35 minutes to travel from London Waterloo to Brentford mainline station. Score points for the following :

On-board toilet (5 points)
Working on-board toilet (10 points)
Non working on-board toilet when you really need to use a toilet (minus 5 points)
Fellow passenger eating butter with a spoon (10 points)
Posh bloke getting on at Putney and talking really loudly into his phone (5 points)

The Neil Shipperley Catering Concourse
Situated on the approach to Lionel Road it is now possible to purchase a variety of weakly themed Brentford food, much of it left over from recent seasons. Score 5 points for each of the following:

Chesney and Onibuje grab bag crisps
Big Charlie Mac
Andy Scott Dogs
Marcus Bean Burger
Doner Kabbabab
Roast Chicken Legge with regularly roasted Danny Foster potatoes

Folano’s Bar and Lounge
Stepping into this plush suite complete with sticky carpet and Space Invaders machine it becomes immediately apparent that there is only one drink available after a gross over-order from the catering department.

So prepare yourself for a bottle of Fuller’s Bees Bitter – a poorly conceived warm flat ale with lashings of added red and white colouring. Score a point per bottle consumed plus the following bonus points:

Did your mouth go pink ? (two points)
Did your urine go pink ? (one point per day up to a maximum of ten)

The Kevin O’Connor Main Stand
Named after Brentford’s 600 plus appearance stalwart – who famously scored the late penalty at Fulham to propel Brentford into the Walmart Premiership and the Cottagers to the Poundland League South – the Kevin O’Connor stand houses over 10,000 fans. Score five points for each of the following :

A bloke repeatedly shouting “Push up Bees” for the entire game
Japanese Tourist in full Chelsea Kit
That fella with the home knitted Brentford jumper
Martin Allen trying to catch the attention of the TV cameras
Angry elderly man trying to assault schoolboy with a VuVuzela
Cheryl Benham (formerly Tweedy)

On the Pitch
See if you can spot any players continuing Brentford’s rich footballing heritage with one of the following skills (five points each) :

Goalkeeper slicing the ball into same stand three times in quick succession
Goalkeeper trying to blame young centre half for the above
Centre half flicking ball on for opposition forward to slot home
Pacy winger dribbling ball off for a throw when clean through on goal
Midfielder employing “long throw surprise” over twenty times in same game
Poorly worked short corner which allows opposition to break and score.
Podgy striker blocking goalbound shot from team-mate on opposition goal line.