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Beesotted contributor Jon Restall (@thecondorman) hands out Eye-Spy points to all as the transfer window and cup fever take hold at Brentford FC

On the internet

Social Media Transfer Hysteria

As the transfer window reaches it’s frothing crescendo, look out on message boards and social media for increasing paranoia from supporters. Win points for spotting the following:

* Absolute panic that every good player at your club will be sold without replacement (5 points)

* Supporters who are “in the know” repeating the things they overheard in the pub from the mate of the cleaning ladies neighbour as absolute gospel (5 points). Score (100 points) if any of these things actually turn out to be true

* Rumours started by dreadful generic football websites who have no news to report but instead write articles entitled “Three players Brentford would be bonkers not to sign” which have no factual basis whatsoever and tend to link you either with former players or people who have just signed for a different team (5 points)

* Poorly translated international tweets suggesting a Ukranian starlet is about to sign for our club. Although there was a weird bit in there about Badminton and Slate Roofing too (5 points)


Outside the ground

Half and Half Scarf Wearing Supporter

Little illustrates your loyal support of a club like purchasing a scarf which also carries your opponents club colours, name and badge. Possibly useful if performing a comedy sketch in which you are playing the parts of two different people but otherwise of very little use other than showing you probably don’t go to games very much (5 points)


Tin Foil FA Cups

The outside chance of being shown in a crowd shot on Match of the Day does strange things to grown adults, spawning a cottage industry in foil wrapped cardboard FA cups over the days before a big cup tie. Score points for the following 

* Foil tin cup carried by child under ten (2 points)

* Foil tin cup carried by drunk overweight topless man with “Bees” written in lipstick/blood across his chest (10 points)

* Sad looking cup stuffed in a dustbin after the match (5 points)


Unofficial Merchandise stands

Nothing says “cup fever” like a series of street vendors desperate to make some money with a succession of low quality commemorative items. . Score points for seeing anyone buy the following:

* Red and White checked highly flammable nylon flag with slightly smudged “Come on You Super Reds” slogan (2 points)

* Reduced to £1 Super Sammy Saunders t-shirt (5 points)

* Inflatable Romaine Sawyers (10 points)

* Brentford Striped Toilet Roll (5 points)

* Lass Vibe branded knock off Nutri-Bullet (30 points)


Inside the ground

“Injured” star player

With the transfer window yet to slam shut, a number of footballers around the country have had to withdraw themselves from action recently for a number of inventive reasons. Score points for each of the below excuses that you see or hear of:

* Mysterious generic muscle strain (2 points)

* Hamstring aggravated by agents phonecall (3 points)

* Dog ate my football boots (5 points)

* My shorts shrank in the wash (5 points)

* Trapped in the toilets at Costa coffee (10 points)

* Unable to fit through front door due to sheer size of ego and wallet (20 points)


Crying child who wanted to go to the cinema instead

Whilst pulli ng the name of a Premiership team out of the cup might have got adult Brentford fans excited, it turns out Little Danny doesn’t massively like the crowds and would rather have gone to watch the new Star Wars film. Score (5 points) for each crying child, and a bonus (10 points) if they eventually stop crying when their parent spends over £20 on fizzy drinks and snack items in an effort to make them shut up


Over-enthusiastic fringe squad member

Despite not really featuring for the first team this season, the FA cup can give lesser players the chance to make headlines. Or at least wave to their proud family from the pitch:

Score (1 point) every time one of the substitutes warms up

Score a bonus (5 points) if this player has already warmed up three times

Score a bonus (10 points) if they start doing vigorous star jumps in front of the manager

Score (5 points) if the player gets a song from the crowd

Score (10 points) if the player gets a lewd song from the crowd