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About four years ago I worked with the Walsall Supporters’ Trust to produce a superb book of stories, which contained many gems, but this one always makes me laugh out loud. Brentford welcome the Saddlers to Griffin Park on Saturday as Uwe Rosler and the lads look to put the dissapointing Gillingham draw behind them and build upon the impressive Sheffield win.

Dave Lane

During the 2000/2001 season I was living on the Wirral, but I continued to attend every Walsall home game, plus a good percentage of the away ones, in what proved to a very memorable campaign. As well as eventual promotion, the season saw us drawn to play West Ham in the FA Cup at home. My plan was to drive down the M6 early to meet my brother and mate in The Fullbrook for a pre-game shandy or two.

The Friday night before the big match, my other half and I decided to go for a curry. Being a bit of a macho curry man, I asked the chef to prepare the hottest dish he could. Now, Wirral Curry houses aren’t like ours, they’re a bit wimpy when it comes to the spices, but this fellow pulled out all the stops and made me something more akin to nuclear waste with added rice than food.

Off I set the next day, and everything was plain sailing until I passed Keele Services where the traffic ground to a halt. I sat there for a good hour in which my car hardly moved. Unfortunately my bowels weren’t as static! My stomach gave an almighty lurch and I was instantly in big trouble. Flinging open the car door, I hobbled, bent double, over to the hard shoulder to find a bush to hide behind.

Regrettably, in my haste to make waste I didn’t see the piece of bumper lying hidden in the grass on the verge. I tripped over it, rolled down the other side of the verge into a drainage culvert and smacked my head on the concrete. The story ends with me coming to, sitting in a slime-filled ditch with a head wound (which later required three stitches) and trousers befouled by yesterday’s vindaloo. I made the second half though, after a detour to my folk’s house for a shower and change. We lost 3-2.

Richard Metcalf

 

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