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Are we nearly there yet, are we nearly there yet, ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET?

I’m banging my fists, stomping my feet, screaming at the top of my voice and having a right meltdown.

There’s been no signings since however long ago it was Andre and Moses were announced, Sam Saunders has given me a bad case of inferiority complex and the wife a good idea of what to expect if he ever takes me up on that often sung offer, Conor McAleny has agreed to stay at Goodison Park for another three years, Rotherham have added an eleventh new addition to their squad (that’s a whole new team), the away kit has been revealed with no real tease at all, I’ve been sucked into late nights watching international football and Matthew Benham has now taken to posting Youtube clips alongside, “football news coming tomorrow – not Brentford related”. Not Brentford related? Who does he think he is? I need it to be 3pm on 9th August 2014. Are we nearly there yet?

That stuff in the above paragraph hasn’t been too far from the truth and whereas I haven’t quite got that parent telling me to sit down, shut up and stop acting so spoilt, I’m kind of saying it to myself. Keep things in perspective and make the most of the good times. My other presiding thought over the last few days has been about how everything in life is just comparative. You’ll feel old when you’re with people younger than yourself yet people older than you will wish for your youth.

The signings issue came from getting carried away with the trio announced last week. The dessert I was waiting for is obviously taking slightly longer to prepare than the dollops of cheap ice cream being planted on Steve Evans’ excessive plate. Scoff scoff, “give me more” he bellows as we bide our time. I think I was expecting another seat or two on our flight to Florida to be filled before take off but not to worry and not to rush, it will be much better to send some quality out on a later flight than fill spaces for the sake of it. The rumour mill is teasingly suggesting that this delightful dessert could cost even more than the million pound main dish of Moses Odubajo and the scintillating side order of Andre Gray.

Looking at one of the most mentioned targets, Bournemouth must now be favourites to claim Callum Wilson. Their summer spending money has been topped up by Southampton having to share some of loadsa lolly Lallana leaving for Liverpool has reached the South Coast. If only Southampton had a Paul McShane to use as a makeweight, a much smaller percentage of the fee would have been redirected to Dorset from Hampshire.

I’ve been considering all other names which would until recently would have been completely insane to have envisaged gracing Griffin Park’s gloriously greener than ever grass. Dwight Gayle or Britt Assombalonga would give the added benefit of further pissing off that bloke at the newspaper and that other bloke on the radio. Jordan Rhodes coming back to finish what he started and grabbing a hatrick for us at Sheffield Wednesday rather than Shrewsbury is probably a step too far from reality. But, these days is it? Marcello trotting back for Chapter 3 isn’t quite as ridiculous given his perfectly understandable desire to leave the Cottage and nobody else having captured his signature so far. Maybe there is even a Belgian, Dutch, French, German, Spanish or South American goal scorer supreme just sorting out their passport and tickets to Florida Airport. So yes, there’s still plenty of time for new arrivals after the plane to the training camp has departed. In fact, I wonder who will be asking are we nearly there yet first out of the current squad when they do take off on Wednesday 2nd July.

The banter on the training trip will no doubt bring this tight group of mates even closer together if the recent Dean & Saunders social media entries are anything to go by. Oh yes, how I laughed at first on opening that Instagram video when Sam was cleaning that car. However, I was as ready for that third marigold as Wes Foderingham was for that second run up to the Boxing Day freekick. Clearly Hottie of the Year is the one trophy these guys want over all others and Sam is already putting together his 2014/15 show reel. The yellow rubber glove almost dragging on the floor might be great for the ladies and the laughs but please, I have to think of something else now. Are we nearly there yet?

I’d have loved for Conor McAleny to have joined fellow Scousers Macca, Bidders and Forshaw in our own Fab Four. I’d previously tried to find any link to him and Fargo or Billy Bob Thornton and wondered what McAleny ‘T’ could have stood for in Matthew Benham’s earlier clue. No, nothing seemed to link him with a return although those TITS boys seem to be keeping a breast of current goings on around the club. I’m pretty sure one of them suggested before the new contract had been officially announced that Conor would sign on up there and possibly return to TW8. That German guy up at Wigan is obviously still a fan but as they currently lie seventeen places below us in the Championship, surely he’s better off coming back down to the Smoke.

My joke on Monday at 6pm, mid way through another Twitter Time Line feasting walk home, was, “the big hand is pointing at the twelve, what does that mean?… Rotherham have signed another player.” Some bloke winger called Green, who was out of contract at Leeds, has crossed Yorkshire like a right pudding to become Evans’ eleventh new signing of the close season. The fact that Tom Hitchcock, who had quite a decent loan spell at the New York Stadium last season, has decided to play for Karl Robinson next season rather than return to Steve Evans’ ever expanding frontline, speaks volumes for how much he must dislike the obnoxious, overweight Scot. Even more so than the obnoxious, overweight Scouser obviously. Young Tom, whose father Kevin was one of four players sent off for getting into a Griffin Park grapple match with Jamie Bates and Colin Lee in the late 1980s, has also managed to get away from the obnoxious, overweight EastEnder, Arry Redknapp, in cutting his ties from QPR. He’ll be so desperate to get away from the Bush, he’ll have Milton Keynes on his mind when he asks, “are we nearly there yet?”

Don’t be surprised if by the time I’ve emailed this to Beesotted and it’s been put up online, Rotherham will have again added to their ranks.

Chances are if you’ve read any of my Beesotted pieces on the adidas football kits our team have worn, you probably think I’m rather special. That can be interpreted however you choose but since the big reveal of the bespoke home kit, and the blinding reveal of the nojoke keepers’ kit, I’ve been one of a few people longing to get a glimpse of the kit our Super Stud of a Kitman will be packing for our away games. @markdevlin7 has held firm when asked for any clues and kept his cards close to his chest.

Unless the away top was also going to be a similarly bespoke item to the home, then in all honesty a similar strip tease campaign would have been a waste. While I described the home tease images as akin to Sofia Vergara displaying various parts of her body (ok ladies, you just think of Sam and his marigolds again), the way supporters found out about the change strip was more like walking into the showers and finding Neil Shipperley scrubbing himself down.

Some proud GPGer had posted a pic of the bright yellow jersey, along with some non-matching white shorts, on a dirty looking psychedlic carpet that must have been laid around the same time Andy McCulloch was laying on goals for Steve Phillips. In that image, the white sponsor patch with SkyEx logo stuck onto the bright yellow gut, looked more out of place than Joey Barton sitting full-kit-w**kered up in the Paddock. There was no 125 year reference on this badge either. I’m not the only one thinking we might be treated/mugged in (delete as appropriate) to having a third kit sometime in the season which will pay reference to this anniversary others care for more than I.

In that picture I saw a £15 template kit with ironed on badge and a sponsor patch as welcome as Joey… oh yeah, done that one. I actually saw a kit I didn’t think I’d pass much comment on. I remembered something similar happening before, a leak appearing and then the club getting a bit of a cob on and displaying the proper photos immediately. By lunchtime, the club had again published the official images, and with that carpet removed, do you know what? It started to look rather sexy. To me it became like those scenes in movies when the nerdy girl removes her glasses, takes out her pony tail and shakes her hair back, suddenly becoming the beautiful one.

The close up action image of the top reveals hidden beauty marks you can’t see at first. Shadow pin-stripes giving it a subtle added extra you only see when you’re moving in closer. White shorts really, really shouldn’t go with yellow tops. Maybe it’s a ploy to make James Rodriguez play like he has been for Colombia when he joins on loan next week* (*uh oh, that’ll be on football rumours by the weekend), but my brain has now accepted the combination. What it also does remarkably, is makes the white SKYEX patch acceptable on the yellow. I mentioned Joey Barton being part of FKWs earlier, but I’m almost inclined to put myself in danger of being snapped in full kit attire to match the patch with the shorts. Hell, if I had the money I’d even get the socks.

Going back to being spoilt, compare the new away kit, even in the leaked carpet picture, with any others pre-adidas. It beats most of them hands-down. It’s only expectations have become so high that I was struggling to acknowledge how great it looked.

In all seriousness, I’m now 100% behind this choice from all the 14/15 adidas templates I’ve seen in the numerous catalogues and sites I’ve Googled like a Goon in the last few weeks. The best thing about the kit is the visibility. I genuinely believe the prime aim of a football kit should be to make it as easy for your players to pick each other out. This bright shade will certainly mean no competitive disadvantage is given away. The Daddy of the football strip, John Devlin, discusses the psychology of kit colour here http://www.truecoloursfootballkits.com/articles/psychology-of-football-kit-design and maybe it is the hope of our management that the plain yellow jersey we will see a brilliant Brazilesque Brentford on our travels next season. Thankfully for those of you who only travel as far as TW8, most research shows red is often considered the real colour of winners (tell that to David Moyes).

A third season in four of having a yellow as the primary away colour tells me we are choosing it as a means of identity. For as long as I can remember it’s always been a guess as to what the away colour will be each year with black and blue making fairly regular appearances but not particularly helping the team. I would now like us to make the relationship last with yellow and black trim; even if it is with white shorts. I’ve been writing for quite a while now that I keep thinking the new season must be almost upon us. Are we nearly there yet?

A quick glance down to the time on my laptop screen suggests we are closer to 2am than 1 on this second day of July. Although I was able to avoid most of the early World Cup games, these knockout matches are pulling me in from the second half onwards and for the last two evenings I’ve been treated to some pretty exciting stuff. It’s only going to get more enthralling as more and more teams get sent packing. I guess, having declared such a love of yellow, the winner out of Colombia and Brazil must now go on to the ultimate glory. I’m starting to get pulled into non-Brentford football which wasn’t supposed to happen.

Maybe it’s our owner’s fault. I’m now also pensive considering how far from the truth my guess at his non-Brentford Twitter clue is going to be. I haven’t even played the video in the link which seems to be a Norah Jones song taken from Breaking Bad. Maybe MB will say, “oh, it’s just another great TV drama”. Well, it’s a Norah Jones song with Danger Mouse. Danger Mouse? His mate, helper was called Penfold so surely the clue must be something to do with Felix Magath who would be the only person worth casting if they make a live action Danger Mouse movie. Could Mr. Benham have some inside information that Magath is quitting? If so, maybe Mark Hughes wants to go back and finish the job off there.

Apologies for the number of words you’ll have had to have read through to get to this point. Quite often when I’m bored I write. Until Charlton are chasing Moses and mates in our first second tier league game for twenty-two years, I know much more boredom lies ahead. There may be more times when I’ll take things for granted, not fully appreciate things and generally act all spoilt again. They’ll surely be so many more things to discuss over the next few weeks. Until then, I’m going to keep on asking, “are we nearly there yet?”

Luis Adriano