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Banksy thrilled his London based fans today by unveiling plans to bring his morbid theme park to West London. Dismaland London will open in Brentford this November on non-match days at Griffin Park. On alternate Saturdays the players of the local football club are expected to deputise for the theme park’s staff. No expense has been spared with the attractions, which will include:


circus5The Haunted Dijkhaus
A scary roller coaster ride that trundles past some ghoulish results and petrifying late twists.


Physio Room of Horrors
Row after row of previously athletic men strapped to beds and physio tables. Not for the faint of heart.


circus8One Legged Bandit
Bought from a Dutch theme park but based on a popular attraction from Denmark.


Where the manager takes copious amounts of Class A until he picks a winning team.


circus10Montell’s Moped Mayhem

Run-away two wheel fun for all the family.


Cliff Clown
Stick 50p in the head of this loveable doll and see what riddles come out of his mouth.


circus4Urine The Money
A unique ride where a stranger pisses all over your shoes and hands in a brick built outhouse.


Gypsy Richard Lee
Where a balding ex-goalie refuses to tell your future but hypnotises you into buying a coffee franchise.


circus3Alan McCormack’s Tunnel of Hate
Very few come out the same as they went in


Pin the Blame on the Harlee
A popular ride where participants blame even the most trivial and unrelated mishap in their lives on the unwitting young employee.


The Divot of Death
Where you have to run the length of a moving grass pitch trying to avoid a life changing injury.


Sideways Pass The Parcel
Let your children keep possession of the magical parcel for 75% of the ride but they don’t get a prize.


circus6Gone For a Warburton
An exciting ride where, at the end, you are forced to swap a winning lottery ticket for a goldfish in a plastic bag.


Button & Bonham Trapeze Artists
See them soar through the air, see one of them maybe catch or punch away the other.


Ice Skating with Tarksville & Dean
Magical moves from the world famous skaters.


circus2The Yenaris Wheel
There’s always big queues waiting for it to start…  But it never does.


Bumper Cars-ley
The world’s most unpredictable word game… Like road crash Scrabble.circus7


Game of Warbs
Based on the hugely popular battle enactment video game Game of War, but this version is where football fans of the same team battle against each other over an historical turning point that nobody can change no matter what weapon you chose.


The Kerschbaum Konundrum
Pay £1 to run around in a mirrored room with a ball on a rope that’s always tantalisingly out of reach.


Dismaland Ticket

To reserve advanced tickets to Dismaland London please give three £50 notes to any of  the Beesotted crew at any Brentford fixture between now and December.

Thanks for the contributions lads… you know who you are!