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Beesotted’s Condorman, chairman of the PTA,  gives his annual school report after an eventful year in West London:

Well, what a difference a year makes. As I wrote my report last year, Marcello Trotta had recently smashed a ball into the school inspector’s car windscreen on the last day of term and we’d just returned from a dreadful field trip to Wembley Stadium.

This year I am delighted to report that Ofsted have reclassified Brentford High School as a Championship establishment after a great year, with new headmaster Mr Warburton continuing to build on the good foundations laid by Mr Rosler before him.

Pupil by pupil reports are as follows:

David Button. David is a generally reliable pupil who is capable of showing glimpses of outstanding work. However the odd lapse in concentration sometimes lets him down whilst his distribution of textbooks in class can be somewhat wayward.  Needs to keep improving next term.

Alan McCormack. Oh Alan McCormack. Alan is a strong and somewhat aggressive boy with a steely desire to succeed, which he also demands from his fellow pupils. Has excelled since moving from the centre of the classroom to a problematic wobbly chair on the right hand side of the room. Often bullies pupils from visiting schools.

Tony Craig. Tony is a committed and respected member of the form who works tirelessly whilst making very few mistakes. His experience of the Championship could be invaluable next year. His only real downfall is having two first names which is frankly his parent’s fault

Jake Bidwell. Jake is a young and improving pupil who delivers consistently good work which is comparable with that of someone of much more experience. Has worked hard out of school hours to improve the level of some of his schoolwork to the immediate benefit of the team. It’s very noticeable when Jake is absent from school.

Harlee Dean. Harlee remains a vocal and important part of the class but has struggled a bit to deliver the incredibly high standards that he set last year, partly due to injury. Popular with other pupils and not afraid to speak his mind. We love Harlee Dean.

James Tarkowski. James only joined the school late in the year but you can already tell that he is an extremely gifted pupil destined for the very top. Insists on bringing his dog, a husky, in to school.

Kevin O’Connor. Kevin is the school’s head boy and as ever his behaviour and application this year has been exemplary when called upon to shine. His attendance in class recently passed 500 consecutive days, a feat rarely achieved today.

Jonathan Douglas. Jonathan works very hard for himself and for others, and the performances of the whole class were lifted when he returned from an injury in the Autumn. He is a somewhat scruffy pupil who needs to comb his hair more regularly. It’s quite possible that he has nits.

Adam Forshaw. Adam is very much the golden boy of the class and we were delighted when he received a National award recently recognising his abilities. He is a pleasure to teach and makes his high standards of work look incredibly easy. Other pupils sometimes struggle to understand what he is saying so he may need some elocution lessons.

Sam Saunders. Sam has been at Brentford High School for a number of years now and is capable of making an outstanding contribution to class, often kicking lessons into life when they look like dwindling out.  His teacher has shown some concern that he might be using a sunbed out of school hours.

George Saville. George has been with us on a visit from the local Chelsea academy. A somewhat gangly boy with an ill-fitting blazer, his naturally physique will continue to improve with age whilst he shows some top class attributes and a good work rate. His enthusiasm for a tackle sometimes outweighs his ability. We hope, however, that he might return next year.

Alan Judge. Alan whips around the school grounds like a terrier, often popping up in areas where you don’t expect to see him. His introduction to the class in the Spring term came at a vital time, and he has weighed in with some very important goals. Shoots more than any pupil we have ever seen.

Clayton Donaldson. Clayton has again ended the year as the school’s top goalscorer after a decent season where he has had to sit in a new chair, perhaps slightly away from where he would naturally sit.  He is a real handful in lessons but can sometimes let himself down a bit in front of class.

Marcello Trotta. Marcello showed immense guts to re-join us from a filthy low rent school in Fulham (recently downgraded) after “the incident” at the end of last season. Has made some vital contributions, including a stand out moment on the field trip to Leyton Orient which will live long in the memory. Can still look a bit lazy but his performance levels over the winter months were unparalleled. It will be interesting to see whether he is here again next term.

Will Grigg. William joined us over the summer much to the disgust of his former head teacher Mr Smith who was very bitter about the whole affair. It’s fair to say that Will hasn’t really settled as well as he or the school would have liked, although his attitude to improve out of school is apparently very good. Has the best beard in class.

Other pupils:

Shaleum Logan – performed well but less keen on homework apparently

Farid El Alagui – popular pupil, hope he does well back in Scotland

Nico Yennaris – one for the future, good education previously

Stuart Dallas – now settling after moving from Ireland, should do well next year

Toumani Diagouraga – very dependable but future may lie elsewhere

Jake Reeves – little lad, popular with the new head teacher.

Kadeem Harris  – pupil from Cardiff academy, flashes of brilliance

Martin Fillo – foreign exchange student, performed poorly

Richard Lee – older pupil, some injury problems, has Championship experience

Paul Hayes – tuck shop takings have dropped since December