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“Are we nearly there yet?”

Chances are, if you’ve asked this question as a child, or been asked it by one, the answer will be a stern, “no”.

There’s something about exciting journeys that brings on immediate impatience. The six year old on their way from Brentford to Disneyland will ask the question while still on the Great West Road. They’ll ask again at Heathrow and repeat it throughout the flight to Florida. While I’d love to go out and say hello to Mickey, Minnie and the Gang, I’ll know when to keep quiet if someone fancies taking me on vacation to the Sunshine State.

The journey to the Championship is completely different though, and I have absolutely no patience. While I’ve just read Jim Levack (celebrating the close season and all the transfer rumours it brings with it) I hate it. I just want it to be 2014/15. I just want to see us take the field against the likes of Reading, Middlesbrough, Birmingham City, Nottingham Forest, Leeds United, Millwall, Cardiff Dragons and, ha, haha, hahaha, sorry, and Fulham.

Are we nearly there yet?

No? Ok, in a way it would be better if we were back in 1992 and the only news/gossip available was from The Chronicle and the Bloke in the Pub. With internet discussion boards and Twitter, the number of players already linked with the Bees couldn’t even fit into a 1990s Barry Fry Birmingham squad.

I even contacted someone today who seems to know his Liverpool youngsters inside out and asked if he’d heard any whispers about who Frank McParland might be tempting down to The Smoke. If we see any of Conor Coady, Jack Dunn or Ryan McLaughlin (a right back, yes a push-McCormack-back-into-midfield-right back) in our red and white stripes then I know my source is a good one.

With George Saville’s ‘thank you’ Tweet on Monday, I’d be amazed* if all of our Loan Stars* return. I thought Marcello was the unlikely one, but expected we’d welcome back both Sav and Judge. With George now unlikely to sign for us again, I have to admit that if we don’t get Alan on a full time contract, then I’m going to go #Judgemental.

Personally I do have every confidence in our scouting network being able to pick up suitable alternatives, but I was really hoping our promotion squad was going to grow together. I was hoping the Vegas Boys would gamble on sticking together being best for their careers. They’d have excellent odds in my very BIASed opinion.

Are we nearly there yet?

No? OK, something else to keep my mind occupied then. Bees Blogger Nick Bruzon has already written a great piece on the anticipation of the new kit. While I’m thankful that his strip trainspotting makes me feel less nerdy than I perhaps should, I’m afraid I can’t let him have the Last Word on this. The Chief Executive’s recent teasing Tweets, confirming we will be able to see stripes on the back of Tarky’s shirt as he glides toward Brook Road, have just made me hungry for more details. How fat are those stripes going to be? Will they be more Steve Evans or Kate Moss to last season’s adidas Estro13 template? The Bayern Munich and AC Milan tops suggest adidas might be seeing 2015 as the year of the fat stripe.

I have all kinds of visions in my mind. They range from even fatter than the Hummel vertical bands, which graced our last trip into the second tier, past the centenary centimetre-ish stripes ‘Ooh Richie Cadette’ used to chuck in the kitman’s washing net and finishing at the alleged West Brom pinstripe designs Billy Reeves has recently tweeted. I shall spend the next few weeks picturing various combinations of red and white until the kit for the 2014/15 season is officially revealed. Are we nearly there yet?

No? Ok, shall I just try and enjoy the cricket? Well, you see I hate cricket. One pre-season, soon after that last, brief flirtation above the third tier actually, I picked a Fantasy Cricket Team. I knew nothing about cricket other than Len Bond once had a mate in Somerset called Ian Botham. Apparently he was pretty decent at bowling and batting.

I was able to pick my team of eleven (there are also eleven in a cricket team right?) though, by choosing surnames of Brentford players past and present. I can’t remember too many of the players but I do recall Messrs Metcalfe and Benjamin were pretty much the cricketing equivalent of Matt and Ian. Maybe enjoying watching men giving each other a full toss would make the summer go quicker and pre-season would be over I could say ‘Bhuvneshwar Kumar’ (yes, yes, I know I said I know nothing about cricket. I just Googled ‘Indian Cricketer’). Are we nearly there yet?

No? OK, at least we have a football World Cup this year to pass the time. I could predictably say, well, I don’t give a toss about the national team. However, with decent Roy Hodgson being given what ‘Arry thought was his job, and choosing to give youth a chance, I’ll admit to having a bit of interest in how Wazza, Stevie G, and their Lion cubs get on. There’s always the old Panini album to fill in as well. In fact, that gives me an idea. If there is a World Cup Fantasy League team, then I’m going to pick mine in the same way I chose that Cricket XI.

I honestly hope the 2018 World Cup sees at least one Bee from the previous four years make the journey to participate. This year’s has come a bit early for the likes of Forshaw, Bidwell and Reeves. On the flip side, sorry Kev, but Ireland’s next qualification might realistically, and sadly, be too late for you to experience being in a Finals squad. So, for now, I’m going to try and make a team out of names who have links to the Bees. Bear with me. Oh, are we nearly there yet?

No? Oh well, here is my Brentford-related World Cup XI (ok 12, as I wanted two keepers).

  1. Boubacar Barry Ashby – Cameroon/Fraser Nicky Forster – England
  2.  Kyle Paul  Walker – England
  3.  Lucas Neill Smillie – Australia
  4. Eugenio MenAlan McCormack  – Chile (sorry, I struggled here)
  5. Fabian Gary Johnson – USA
  6. Igor Denisov Bailey – Russia
  7. Jermaine Keith Jones – USA
  8. Brad Paul Evans – USA
  9. Karim Benzema Burgess – France
  10. Cristiano Ronaldo Harris – Portugal
  11. Carlo Costly Paul Davis – Honduras

Right, that took an age, especially finding that centre-back. Seriously, are we nearly there yet?

What? Oh, FFS, we’ve hardly moved. Over the next few weeks, I have a feeling I’m going to be asking this a lot.

*Merit mark if you spotted the intended shit-soft-rock-country reference.

Luis Adriano