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With the sound of ‘Uwe Rosler Dance Now’ still ringing in our ears following the Tranmere win, as well as the new Richard Lee ditty, Beesotted are aware that news songs aren’t always such a hit… Here’s an article we wrote that explains just that…

Perhaps I’m just turning into an old fart, one of those obnoxiously out of touch ‘grumpy old men’ that I snarl at whenever they appear on my telly, but I reckon there’s definitely been a decline in the song-based humour levels at Griffin Park over the past decade. Some of the lyrics contained in the older songs that have been passed down through the GP generations wee all over the predictable, copied and tepid new fodder I reluctantly still join in with, and in the boozer a few weeks ago my mates and I sat down and mulled over some of the better ditties from yesteryear.

However, for every: “Down in the town of Northampton…” or “Famous Graham Taylor went to Rome to see the Pope” (which Beesotted famously once proved he actually never did) we acknowledged that even with rose tinted specs on, there were some ‘classis’ that, armed with hindsight, really should never have been sung. With Brentford continuing to be stuck in the third tier of English football’s permafrost, rivals and foes from days gone by haven’t shared in the TW8 malaise, and for many clubs we used to bait and abuse verbally: Birmingham City, Stoke City, Fulham and even Wigan (God forbid) et al, it’s almost as if a wizard has ridden into town and cast a miracle wonder-spell on their football clubs. So, here’s Dave Lane’s Dozen Songs We Really Should Never Have Sung!

“We’ll never play you again!”

We sang this at the Madejeski after beating Reading 2-1 in 2002… Hmmmmm.

“Rowlands, Rowlands, Rowlands, we’ve got Martin Rowlands, he’s got Tony Folan out wide, he passes through the middle, and he knows how to dribble, ‘cos he wears his Brentford badge with pride” (Rawhide!)

The tosspot wore a Rangers badge for near-on a decade… Enough said!

“Lee, Lee, super Lee, U-G-L-Y, ug-er-Lee, he needs plastic surgery, super Lee Luscombe!”

An utterly brilliant piece of lyrical genius, granted, and if I met the author in the pub I’d certainly buy him a Stella, but I’ll always remember an away fan telling me how they couldn’t believe how we could give one of our own players so much stick. Maybe it was more to do with our Guernsey-born winger’s booze intake than his anthem, but his form certainly waned off after the New Road choir had ‘got behind’ their visually disturbing hero.

“Follow, follow, follow, we’re going to Loftus Road”

I think one mate’s comments best sum this one up… “I thought it made us sound small time and like it was our cup final” When I asked a QPR acquaintance about the song he simply said: “You are and it was!”

“Marcus Gayle has got a massive cock, what a penis, you really should have seen it, Marcus Gayle has got a massive cock”

On second thoughts, the fact that Marcus emerged as a born-again Christian and the song caused him and his family all manner of embarrassment shouldn’t come into it. I also have to admit to drunkenly singing this in his general direction at close range when I bumped into him coming out of Kingston train station one Saturday evening not so long ago.

“No no, no ner-no no, ner ner no more Rochdale!” (There’s no limit)

Brentford may have marched in and out of town after grabbing all three points on course to the League Two title that season, but not only have we played them again, but they beat us 3-1 on our own manor on their last visit.

“Brentford reject! Brentford reject! Brentford reject, hello!”

Will we never learn that this song serves no other purpose than to ensure the returning ‘reject’ scores at least one goal, normally three. Leon Constantine is a prime example of a Brentford ‘reject’ who looked awful for us but scored a hat-trick on his return with shitty old Torquay. Also, I’ve not once seen an ex-Brentford player return to TW8 and be reduced to a quivering, sobbing mess by this tune. Although ex-goalie Alan Julian came close a couple of seasons ago when he came back with Gillingham, I have to admit!

“David Webb is magic, he wears a magic hat…”

I can’t even bring myself to type the rest of the words such is my dislike for this repugnant man. I’ll better stop there before I print anything that could see me sued. The next one sickens me to the core too.

“Ronny Noades, Ronny Noades, Ronny, Ronny Noades, he’s got white hair, he’s a millionaire, Ronny Ronny Noades!”

That maybe his name, that may be the colour of his hair and that may be the size of his bank balance, but I’d be happier replacing the last two lines with: “he’s rude and blunt, he really is… erm unpleasant, Ronny Ronny Noades!”

Are Birmingham City really fussed they started singing too soon in 1992 now? Probably not.

Warren Aspinall’s ‘Robin Hood’ theme tune, where we warned that he would “kick **** out of you”, doesn’t sound too clever either.

 

If you can think of any more, post your suggestions below, on Twitter or the besotted.co.uk message board