Beesotted’s Condorman hands out some more precious I-SPY points.. these ones are from the Bees’ pre-season fixtures… 

 

HIDEOUSLY PRICED HOME FIXTURE
It’s 8am and you happen to be wandering past Griffin Park on the morning of a match with a Scottish Premiership club. Score points for spotting:

Flame haired gentleman urinating in a bin (2 points)
Man dressed in kilt attempting the 80 nugget challenge in McDonalds (2 points)
Inebriated supporter hiding fireworks in his sporran (2 points)
Man wearing green and white hooped replikit practicing hanging from tree branch in preparation for a go on the crossbar later (2 points)
Cockney sparrow selling commemorative half and half scarves (2 points)
Member of Celtic first team squad  (1000 points)

AT NON-LEAGUE AWAY FRIENDLY
It’s a warm midweek night and for some reason you’ve promised a mate you’ll go to a bloody away game at a ground resembling a small prison. Score points for:

Arriving before kick off (5 points)
Avoiding the spoddy Internet warrior who has downloaded stats from your random triallist’s last 50 games and proceeds to talk in depth about them to anyone who happens to catch their eye in a moment of weakness (10 points)
Eating any of the ‘hot food’ which looks suspiciously like it’s been there since April (5 points)
Correctly spotting our new continental veteran defender rather than approaching any middle aged supporter in a Bees shirt who’s just been for a week’s holiday in the Algarve (5 points)
Seeing a goal scored against you by a spectacularly poor former Brentford player (minus 2 points)
Involuntarily shouting “go on son” to any member of the academy squad who goes up for a header (2 points)
Staying until the final whistle (20 points)
Regretting that last pint during the unusually long journey home on a train without toilets (10 points) 

IN THE CLUB SHOP
Pumped with mild hysteria due to the enforced break from your beloved Bees you head to the club shop armed with a wad of cash. Score points for spotting.

Reduced to clear merchandise featuring pictures of recently departed mercurial winger (2 points)
Reduced to clear Wembley 2012 giant foam hands (2 points)
Large space where the new Adidas replikit should be (5 points)
Marcello Trotta voodoo doll kit (5 points)
Jonathan Douglas hair straightener with free stick on musketeer facial hair (3 points)
Paul Hayes bouncy castle (3 points)
Reduced to clear Toumani Diagouraga ‘Dave’s guide to shooting’ DVD (3 points)
T-shirt featuring the slogan “I like Tony Craig” (2 points)
T-shirt featuring the slogan “But I love Harlee Dean” (5 points)
Bloody Brentford Bloody Gnomes (3 points)
Buzzette’s Brentford karma sutra calendar (15 points)

Condorman